show me things can be nice

2011-12-06T10:25:00.002-08:00

2011-12-06T10:25:00.001-08:00

2011-12-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

Feist - How Come You Never Go There

2011-12-06T10:23:00.000-08:00

D

2011-10-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

10,000 feet above myself and down below a storm is growing and building the way it has been for all of my life. Pockets of hope and pockets with holes. This worn coat covers me and keeps me strangely connected to the threads of what I once wished for each night and realized would never be each morning. But the one thing we are great at is pretending. And this lie we both share has left fingerprints on everything.
To look at someone and not know them, not feel much of anything for them, less sadness and wonder on how they let life slip away so easily, is like looking through them. Years later these tiny spots behind my eyes still see her…not there. This tightness in my chest, this pressure in my past continues to wake me and remind me of the broken and the bent, of the trying and the spent, of the countless letters written but never sent.

RAW

2011-09-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

one of the most important people in my life was the feature poet in the RAW art event last night at the Belmont. Lacey read a handful of amazing poems and delivered each one in the way a mother would read a story to her daughter.

Lacey's writings seem to take me where ever she is pulling from...the stars, a scared girl in mississippi, even to the deepest part of a kiss. Her words wrap around themselves and offer a glimpse of the people she has met and the woman she has become.

Thank you for sharing your life experiences with the world. I love you Lacey Roop.

liver alone, cheese with me

2011-08-18T07:23:00.000-07:00

one day these moments will be strung together and remind of us of where we begun. that night when everything changed. that instant when I became the same. trace us in your paper sky.

p.s. i ate cheese for her

2010-11-21T11:33:00.000-08:00

nickle
cold and fickle

blood home to bone and bone home to skin

now your blood is on my skin
out from beneath yours
your body is hallow but your last breath is swinging in my hair

i hold you until the warmth leaves everything behind
your eyes, your fingers, your heart and now your soul
you become white. frozen. gone.

time has stopped. i died there with you.

2010-11-21T11:30:00.000-08:00

"Is this an emergency line?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
"What is your emergency?"
"I just want to know what makes an emergency an emergency. What has to happen?"
"Are you in physical danger?"
"Sort of."
"How so?"
"There's a wet spot on my bathroom floor."
"A wet spot? Did you slip?"
"Not yet."
"That's not an emergency. Did you write a note?"
"Yeah, sort of."
"What does it say?"
"'For details, see http://tootallfortinytim.tumblr.com'"
"Hm. That's your blog?"
"It's not my blog."
"Do you have a plan? A weapon?"
"Um, I guess."
"..."
"..."
"What is it?"
"Why, you looking for ideas?"
"Sir--"
"Okay, I know. Don't hang up. I'm embarrassed to say."
"Well, you can tell me."
"I have...a kitchen knife, lots of aspirin."
"Hm. Not much of a plan."
"No, not much. Do you need a good plan to make it an emergency?"
"No. I guess not. Do you need an ambulance?"
"No. Not at this time."
"Well, I'm not sure how to help you."
"Just talk to me."
"This isn't a chat line, sir."
"How long have you been working there?"
"..."
"...c'mon..."
"...5 months."
"Is your supervisor around?"
"She's asleep at her desk."
"Slow night?"
"Every night is slow."
"Hm. I know the feeling."
"So what is it that's bothering you so much?"
"Other people's happiness."
"Well, that's selfish."
"No, I mean, people being happier without me."
"How can you know that? You're just projecting."
"I can hear their inner monologues like megaphones."
"No you can't...silly."
"You sound nice."
"I'm not so nice."
"What do you look like?"
"I've got short hair and black nails and jeans with a rip in the knee."
"Stop it. No you don't."
"What do you look like?"
"Like a freight train, moving slowly on delay, always crawling and rumbling the ground around."
"Ha. I bet you're short."
"I bet you're short."
"I AM SHORT! Oh, shh-- (whispering) I am short!"
"Well then we're both short."
"Do you tag? Like graffiti?"
"No. I can't write on a chalkboard, it gets all small at the end."
"You should try it."
"What should I tag?"
"Write whatever. Write your note."
"I don't wanna write that. What's your name?"
"Anna."
"I'll write 'Anna'."
"I won't be happy without you."
"Shut up."

november

2010-11-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

metal
nickle
cold and fickle

put down your promises
pack up your plans for winter
patch up that hole you've put in my november

take these broken bones off my bed
they make pretty stacks of wood yet sickening stacks of red
these walls now drip and drip with every word never said

up in the air, sits my paper moon
she's wrapped so tightly in her smock
so very strong, so very not

no longer the string used to sew her tomorrow to today
for now I am nothing more than the fray
i've become the maybe she hides between her tuesday

buckets of nothing in every corner
baskets of faith hang as a i morn her
begging myself to remember that it is not i that tore her

the wave

2010-08-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

the smallest details ride on the surf of the roughest waves. no beginning. no end. only when you are in the wave do you feel the rain, the rush. and within an instant you are standing on the shore watching that one perfect wave dance into a ripple and disappear. it is then that you understand the dawn and the darkness of your fears. it is then that all you've been carrying with you becomes a part of what you have silently asked others to carry. and the pain of knowing summons the thunder and the pain of listening summons the winds. now you're standing on the shore in front of an angry sea. and that one ripple that once pulled away from you has grown into a wave now crashing into everything. before the impact, I ask "what have done with my life? how will I be remembered? what have I given and have asked nothing in return?"

Dear Cuba, I love you and I'll see you soon.

2010-02-05T12:14:00.001-08:00

it's true. and it's about time i took a trip. clear my mind, become myself again. explore the land, taste some authentic foods, listen to some amazing music and soak up the culture. CHA! CHA! CUBA!!

my favorite feather

2010-01-29T10:43:00.000-08:00

the chair we found together, the bookshelf we bought together. our notes. our promises. the refrigerator covered in photos of a life that used to be...

that pressure in my chest has moved down to my stomach and i feel it moving through me like water that rushes from a hose once the kink is twisted free. burning all the way down. but today is different. today i understand. today, for the very first time, i welcome the unknown. i'm awaiting a new way of living. a new way of turning with the world.

i hate the truth to all of this. i hate knowing i caused her pain and sorrow and doubt. but i love her. i love who she is. i love her bravery. and i love knowing she is free from burden and free from the worry that once burned through her. yet, i am warm knowing that this end that we reached together is actually a new beginning. it is always darkest before the dawn.

although she will always amaze me, twirling at concerts will never be the same. not much will be. but there's still a connection and a love that will never surrender.

you will always be my favorite feather.

2010-01-10T18:11:00.000-08:00

2009-10-25T21:50:00.000-07:00

2009-06-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

2009-05-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

escape with a bottle of champagne, two french girls, an italian girl and a serge gainsbourg record

2009-05-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

chanel perspex briefcase & bjorg "jewellery"

2009-05-08T15:19:00.000-07:00

2009-05-08T15:16:00.000-07:00

lady gets a sister...olive bean. aka "teenie beanie," "beans," "the bean," "tiny," "baby bean"

2009-04-04T20:06:00.000-07:00

2009-02-27T15:08:00.000-08:00

2009-01-14T15:58:00.000-08:00

2008-12-24T19:40:00.000-08:00

through the walls i hear my neighbors arguing and shouting profanities, constantly. the family seems so unhappy, so angry. i think about their lives and wonder how they allowed life to leave them...in a trap. i wonder if they were ever happy. i wonder how they initially met. was it through a mutual friend or perhaps at a bar. i wonder if when they met they were filled with excitement and promise. if when they had their first child, they were beaming with happiness. i wonder if they ever imagined they would one day be at each others throats and seemingly miserable. i wonder if they hate one another. if they blame one another. if they ever think about leaving one another. if their children ever feel as though they are burdens.
life is so precious, so beautiful. how have they lost sight of that?

historic brickyard

2008-12-06T13:24:00.000-08:00

for years i have passed by a place that my imagination told me was a haunted secret government facility. a place where spies would interrogate the enemy or where mind control experiments would occur. the place is located next the US Arboretum. there sits about 7 brick buildings, 4 of which are round domes standing 4 stories high. there is a structure that resembles a prison cell block, with individual cells and gates. this place was certainly something amazing while it was operational. however, the round brick buildings have finally lost their seasonal fights against the elements, grass and weeds abound and the mood of the place is more haunting rather than secretive. lauren and i decided to engage in "operation round brick place" today and take some photos. while lauren was snapping away, i was on high alert thinking the US Government official we briefly spoke with and told us the area was off limits, was going to come back and arrest us at any minute. thankfully, he never showed. roaming around the area was pretty neat. it felt like walking back in time. when we returned home, lauren called the Arboretum and learned that the area was an old brickyard that was built in 1909 and closed down the following year. this brickyard was worked by brick laborers that were members of the Isaac Cohen Brotherhood of Labor which was formed in washington dc in 1878. exploited black laborers at federal brickyards established black labor unions in the attempts to secure better working wages and proper treatment. the isaac cohen brotherhood of labor was one of these unions.

lady is now 2 years old...the terrible 2s ;)

2008-11-25T08:05:00.000-08:00

thank you for loving me

2008-11-22T18:05:00.001-08:00

i

2008-11-22T16:44:00.000-08:00

in the corner there sits her chair with some of my clothes on it. a few inches away is a bookshelf. its the home to many of her things, mainly books. her art covers our walls and a few of her fallen hairs sleep on the pillow beside me.

in the morning i make her tea and she drinks it 97% of the time. but i continue to make it as if there's a 100% probability that she will drink it.

i watch her get dressed and pray she'll change outfits several times so that i may watch a little while longer. my favorite outfit being the one she wears in the shower.

mt. olivet cemetery

2008-11-14T21:12:00.000-08:00

around 11:00pm we decided to visit the mt. olivet cemetery near our house. perfect weather for a stroll through a huge cemetery: dark, drizzly, and overcast. kind of creepy. but definitely worth the adrenaline rush. as we walked deeper and deeper into the cemetery i couldn't help but wonder if we were being watched...by something faceless and formless. something that is always hanging in the night air and around each tombstone. yes, i believe in ghosts. if everything is essentially energy and energy cannot be dissolved then it must simply change composite or form as it passes through the stages of its existence. something solid may become liquid and something liquid may become a gas, and so on. i don't believe "ghosts" are transparent human images. rather, a shapeless and faceless "feeling." and i believe this feeling is always around us. not to frighten us but to remind us that life doesn't dissolve, it just changes shape.

d is for disappointment

2008-11-12T18:19:00.000-08:00

so the day finally came
it was cold and it was cruel

2008-11-03T19:23:00.001-08:00

tonight i did something i have been wanting to do for years now. i finally went down to the marina near the airport and watched the planes land. wondering what the people were thinking as their plane was about 40 seconds from touching down in Washington DC. was anyone visiting the city for the first time? anyone running away from home? anyone meeting up with friends they haven't seen in years? so many lives in the planes above me and i doubt i knew a single one. it's strange how lives pass by or (or fly by) and they all have their own direction, their own connections, their own sadness or happiness or loneliness or fulfillment and so on. so many lives right next to us every day, every second and we rarely connect with them. (we barely really connect with the people we consider "friends") perhaps we do for a split second as we accidentally lock eyes on the subway or on the sidewalk. but never really, truly connect. why? there could be someone on that plane that has the same sense of humor as i do, or likes cooking as much as i do or takes a shine to the many tings i like and am interested in, but i'll never know. perhaps one day i'll randomly talk with a stranger and mention that one night i went to watch the planes land. maybe we'll realize that while i was on the ground looking up, they were in the plane looking down.

2008-10-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

Markoff's Haunted Forest

2008-10-19T07:42:00.001-07:00

every Halloween Markoff's Haunted Forest gets geared up to scare the hell out of its visitors. basically, you and your friends are hauled out to the middle of a dark forest in the middle of nowhere Maryland that is peppered with masked people with chainsaws, bats and clubs. these masked people are paid to scare the pants off of you by grabbing you in the darkness, chasing you with chainsaws and popping out from behind trees as you and your friends move through the forest. i'm down!

saturday : H St NE Festival

2008-09-17T16:56:00.000-07:00

DO IT! food, fun, friends...

noon - 7pm
H St NE

park(ing) day in New York

2008-09-14T18:32:00.000-07:00

October 19 2008 is another park(ing) day in new york. on park(ing) day, new yorkers create small parks out of what would ordinarily be a parking spot. its a way of reclaiming a little bit of green in an otherwise cement-heavy city. check it out.

fall...my favorite season

2008-09-13T13:22:00.000-07:00

fall is just around the corner! cool days and cozy nights. fall is the perfect time to go horseback riding, pumpkin and apple picking, haunted hay rides, vespa riding, day trips to local vineyards, enjoying the many street festivals in DC, long walks with Lady, making stews, layering my clothing. oh, and not having to shave my legs everyday.

2008-09-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

there is a darkness that sleeps just beneath the surface
burning and boiling and blistering my skin
the loneliness blinded me now just as it blinded me then

i am scarred ten thousand days long

2008-09-06T10:07:00.000-07:00

countdown

2008-09-05T18:51:00.000-07:00

today is day four in my countdown to see my Lauren. she is on the west coast exploring seattle. she is having a blast, sightseeing, taking photographs, eating great food, discovering the city. she was actually planning on moving there but changed those plans. :) so although she is having fun, i miss her madly and am counting down until tuesday...5 days away

mission : brunch...better than breakfast, sweeter than lunch

2008-09-03T20:42:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I are on a mission to put the punch back in brunch. we'll do it too. even if it's just the two of us. what else is going on sunday between the hours of 11:00am and 3pm? sleeping? love making? farmers markets? grocery shopping? laundry? if you want to help us with our brunch mission (then it will become your brunch mission too) please feel free to join us each sunday...at yummy places like:

Belga
Lauriol Plaza
L'Enfant
Saint Ex
Asylum
BlackSalt
Pete's
RedRocks
B. Smith's
Argonaut
etc.

*restaurant to be democratically decided weekly by whomever offers to buy rounds of mimosas

first thursdays in the Atlas District

2008-09-02T13:49:00.000-07:00

some cities celebrate First Fridays, here we celebrate First Thursdays. why not? the Atlas District, or commonly known as "H Street," will host its first First Thursday on September 4th. This particular First Thursday will have an 80's theme, and each First Thursday to follow will take on a new and different theme.

Here's what to expect on the evening of the 4th: (paraphrased from FrozenTropics)

* '80's Trivia Night at the Argonaut
* '80's Dance Party at the Rock and Roll Hotel
* '80's Karaoke at Sticky Rice
* "I Love The 80's" The Lounge will award prizes for the "Best Dressed" and will conduct a "Fastest Rubik's Cube” contest.
* Granville Moore's will take on the Cheers sitcom theme for the night. In addition to the usual menu of Belgian beers, selections from Boston's Sam Adams Brewery will be available. Look for New England clam chowder and Boston Baked Beans on the list of specials.
* SOVA espresso and Wine is hosting a wine tasting

sweetie

2008-08-28T13:15:00.001-07:00

if we were puppets we'd still be in love...sweetie

band: everthus the deadbeats - "sweetie"

3 years...but who's counting?

2008-08-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

for years i tried
for years i cried
for years i lied
for years

there's no way to take those years back and start over. and i wouldn't want to. i appreciate those years and all the days and night within them. the real question is, can i wrap up those years and put them aside and start new with you? can a friendship be forged out of a failed relationship? i hope so. because for years i tried. the rest doesn't matter...anymore.

death goes to myhotpink

2008-08-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

my previous blog MYHOTPINK has seen it's last cyber day. MYHOTPINK was a collection of art, music, amazing restaurants and amazing people in Brooklyn, New York. while living in Brooklyn i came to know who i really am. i came to know more about people, and less about insignificance. i grew up and grew in. the friends i reconnected with and the people i met there, the experiences i had there and the experiences I took with me all shaped me in various ways. Brooklyn, i love you. just know that i'll be back...and that i never really left.

although MYHOTPINK has ended, don't forget about...

RESTAURANTS
The Diner
Marlow & Sons
DuMont
DuMont Burger
Enids
Blackbird Cafe
Northeast Kingdom
Wykoff Starr
Roberta's
Taco Chula
Applewood
Blue Ribbon
Buttermilk
Freeman's (Manhattan)
La Esquina (Manhattan)

PLACES
Studio B
The Garden
Savalas
The Box (Manhattan)
Beatrice Inn (Manhattan)
Commonweath
Mercury Lounge
Union Pool
Whiskey
Brooklyn Museum
stroll through Park Slope and shop!
don't forget about All Points West & PS1 in the summer
tons of music venues too

PARTIES
Ruff Club at the Annex (Manhattan)
Dave P's party at Santos (Manhattan)
Alex English's party Robot Rock at Le Royale (Manhattan)
gees, there's tons...

MISC
the best place to watch the sunset is from the Brooklyn Bridge.. do it!
brunch is a staple in New York, especially Brooklyn. so plan on spending 3 hours each Sunday with a handful of friends at any number of amazing restaurants
loft parties are pretty common in Brooklyn. so befriend anyone with a loft.
go see an amature burlesque show at Galapagos
catch a concert at the Brooklyn Masonic Temple or at the McCarren Park Pool
get lost on the subway system or better yet, take your chances of NOT getting trapped on the G line
have a picnic in Clinton Hill or catch a movie at the Brooklyn Center Cinema
roam around the city and appreciate all the graffiti or stop in one of the many independent art studios
if you end up doing the same old thing each day or each week in Brooklyn then you are, well, my mother always taught me to keep quiet if i didn't have anything nice to say.

the sunset sandwich

2008-08-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

for lauren...

This morning I watched a small flock of pigeons devour a piece of bread. Each took a turn at pecking the bread into smaller, more manageable bites. There was beauty in the madness as each pigeon waited as its brethren took his or her turn. They worked quickly yet efficiently with the piece of bread as if another flock of pigeons were arriving soon. Before long that piece of bread became crumbs scattered on the concrete. The flock disbanded and took flight into the city air.
In the quiet hours of morning, I find the courage to think about the things that kept me up the night before. The cool air begins to flush with warmth and I know my afternoon is soon. How will today be different from tomorrow?
At mid day I overheard a child begging her mother to “tie the string tighter mommy.” I turned and saw a small child in a white summer dress with her arm outstretched to her mother who was kneeling down while tying one end of a string to the tiny wrist of her tiny daughter. The other end of the string was tied to a large pink balloon and it was gently moving in the air like a kite. While deciding what a beautiful little girl could have achieved to have deserved such a wonderful present, her mother stood up and claimed, “there, that should do it.” The child smiled at her mother as if to thank her. Then she softly touched the knot as if to double check her mother’s work. The pair took a few steps down the road and the pink balloon followed them. Yet then without warning the balloon began to wave wildly in the air and suddenly broke free from the child’s wrist and climbed into the sky. Up, up, up it went. The little girl, with her little arm pointing up to the sky, turned to her mother and asked “what does ‘that should do it mean’?
A look from a stranger from the safety of his car. A cyclist rides past me and smiles. A dove sits on a tree branch and sings me a song. Faces that I have never seen and may never see again are all around. All these lives, everywhere. The sound of traffic, then the sound of stillness. I steal a moment and wonder what she is doing now.
Much of the day is behind me. I am sitting on a park bench with every intention of finishing a book I have yet to finish. With the book in my hands, I find the page where I left off and begin again. The words enter my mind and the story unfolds…again. The shape of my head gently sweeps over the book and darkens the pages. The sun is lower in the sky and the light is ending.
I pass a man who is crying. He is leaning against a beautiful white brick house. Hanging his head and hiding his face, he knows I am there. Our eyes meet and I see the pain in his face. Something terrible has happened. Although we are strangers I am familiar with his sorrow. Yet unaware of what troubles him. Lifting his chin to the setting sun, he wipes his eyes and then closes them. Tightly. As if to wish this day would end. A woman appears from behind and gently touches the man on the shoulder. He does not move. A whisper slips from her mouth to him and his eyes open. He stands and walks with the woman inside. It was then that I noticed the small plaque which adorned the building. It read “Cedar Hospice. Est. 1895”
Beyond the tree clearing I can see the remainder of the day. It waits in the air, between the pink and the orange. It reflects off the steel and the glass of the city. It reflects off of me and off of you. It promises me tomorrow and then leaves me the same tonight.

Pop! Canadian style in a train

2008-08-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

Pop Montreal returns in all its glory for the fourth year! From October 1 - 5, the city of Montreal will be consumed with music, street fairs, food, arts...even a fashion show. Artists such as Nick Cave, Burt Bacharach, Crystal Castles, Hot Chip, The Veils, Black Kids, You Say Party! We Say Die!, and more will flood various venues across the city...making it like a very northern (and most likely very colder) SXSW.
I'm super excited to see some of my favorite musicians perform in Montreal. but I'm also excited to be going against my own grain and refusing to stay at the W Montreal Hotel. that's right. No 500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets for me, no marble bathrooms with sweeping views of downtown Montreal, no cute little French speaking front desk clerk to ask me if I'd like a morning wake up call (not that kind of wake up call...get your mind out of the gutter) Nope! None of those things. Lauren and I are "roughing it" and I couldn't be happier. she found this amazing hostel, yes hostel and it isn't like any other hostel i have ever known. my idea of a hostel was 18 eastern Europeans crammed into a small room, sleeping on bunk beds, sharing a tiny bathroom with no hot water and giving each other lice. she found a hostel that is basically one letter away from a hotel. its adorable! we have our own private cabin that looks like a train. so awesome. she's awesome. and our trip will be awesome.

forever

2008-08-14T08:15:00.001-07:00

ode to lady

2008-08-13T17:40:00.000-07:00

oh lady, how i love thee
how i hope you don't pee
on the sofa or on the bed
on my clothes or on my head

you are the apple of my eye
the bright sun in my sky
i hope you live forever
i hope you live forever

the wall

2008-08-11T13:33:00.002-07:00

there's a marble wall near S. 3 and Bedford that has been burned into my memory. in my mind i see her feet because i couldn't bare to look into her eyes. she is leaning against the wall. she is crying. she hasn't been listening or maybe i hadn't been listening.

i am here

2008-08-09T08:41:00.001-07:00

so close to the corner, so close to the skin. so certain this bending will break me from within. here, the lightness meets the night and decides to give into its might. here i am. i am here. i am up above the rain now. the dark clouds of compromise folding into the past as the fresh golden air illuminates my mind. i am warm. i am whole. i am moving toward a trust that i can taste, touch.
i am closer. closer. closer still.

m o m e n t

2008-08-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

i believe one's life is made up of a million unforgettable moments. these moments are special, defining and profound. these moments are the moments between the ones less significant. for these are the moments that pepper our lives with meaning and with hope. with purpose. these are the moments that shape our lives and touch the most fragile corners of ourselves. these are the moments we start to measure other moments by. they become cornerstones, milestones, gemstones. i just had one of these moments. i savored it. i still savor it.